List: Questions I Have for the Lady Who Was Flossing While Driving

·      Are you aware that on Friday, November 15, at least one person witnessed you flossing your teeth while you were driving your BMW X5 crossover vehicle?

·      Do you keep a roll of dental floss in your vehicle at all times?  

·      Or did you just bring a roll with you that one time?  

·      Or did you simply grab a single strand of floss to bring with you in the car that day?

·      Do you think it was appropriate that you were flossing your teeth while driving through a school zone at approximately ten miles per hour above the speed limit?

·      What did you eat at 4:00 pm on a Friday that required you to floss afterward?  Did you have barbecued pork ribs with your afternoon coffee?  Corn on the cob?  Spinach salad?

·      Weren’t you concerned about tiny bits of food and saliva getting flung around inside your BMW X5 crossover vehicle while you flossed? Dental hygienists wear face masks and safety glasses to avoid touching that stuff.  Was there a cleanup plan in place?  Did you at least have a tissue handy?  Or did you neglect to clean up, and now your passengers have to sit there and stare at little pieces of pork fat, corn, and spinach stuck to the dashboard?

·      Does your BMW X5 crossover vehicle come equipped with a built-in dental floss dispenser?  Is that something the high-end luxury vehicles now offer?

·      Have you ever considered buying some of those small plastic flossers?  It might be a good investment because they allow you to floss with one hand and keep the other hand on the steering wheel.

·      Have you wondered whether or not it might be a safety hazard to drive down a busy road with no hands on the steering wheel while staring intently at the inside of your mouth in the rearview mirror?

·      Was the dental floss waxed or unwaxed?  Which is better?  Do dentists recommend one kind over the other?

·      I have a few more questions, but right now I am feeling an overwhelming urge to go floss my teeth.

·      One last quick question.  From now on, could you please not floss your teeth while driving?  I know cell phones are a factor in a lot of car crashes, but I hope we’re not going to have to add dental floss to that list any time soon.