Welcome to My Music and Movement Class for Toddlers Where I Yell at the Kids and Make their Caregivers Feel Like Idiots
Welcome! Hi! I’m Mr. Mike and this is Baby Bounce! Is everyone here for Baby Bounce? Good. Did everyone pick up their child’s name tag on the way in?
Today we’re … um, ah, what’s your name? Molly? Can you please go back over there and sit?
So, welcome to Baby Bounce. Today we’re going to visit the circus!
Samuel? Hey! Excuse me. Don’t look in that suitcase! That stuff’s a surprise for later.
We’re going to start with everyone getting a maraca. Here you go. Here you go. Here you go. Mom, you get one, too.
Oh, you’re the nanny? That’s funny, I could see little Emma was confused when I said “Mom.” She was looking around like, “Where’s Mom? I don’t see Mom.” Sorry, sweetie. Mommy’s not here. She’s busy doing important things right now. But I’m going to give your nanny a maraca, okay?
Does everybody have one?
Carter! Hey! Don’t bang it! It’ll break!
I can’t keep having to replace these things. Kids keep breaking them and parents have no control.
Sorry, parents and nannies. Parents and nannies have no control.
Anyway, popcorn! Let’s make popcorn for the circus! Shake, shake, shake! Shake your popcorn maker high! Shake your popcorn maker low. Shake your popcorn maker all around!
Hey! No hitting with the maraca! Okay, let’s bring them back.
Moving on. It’s time to put up the circus tent!
Oh, hi, are you here for Baby Bounce? Glad you could join us. Did you get stuck in traffic or something? Because we started ten minutes ago. No, it’s fine. It’s ten dollars per half hour class, so you basically just threw away $3.33.
Just find a … I don’t know. Just find a spot somewhere and grab a hold of the parachute. Wherever someone … is someone gonna? Okay, good. Geez.
Everybody ready? Lift the circus tent high! Let the circus tent fall down low. Okay, lift it high again! And kids, you run under it!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. He’s too big. Is he even signed up for this class? How old is he? Five? Well, just because his little brother is signed up for this class doesn’t mean he gets to do it, too. He’s gonna run around and bump into the little kids. He’s too big. Can’t you put him on an iPad over in the corner? Or give him a coloring book? I’d let him use my iPad, but I don’t have any games on it. Yeah, he can just sit over there.
Okay, everybody sit in a circle. I’ve got a picture of the circus and I want each person to show me what their favorite thing is. Is it the clowns? The cotton candy?
Sarah? Go back over there. Don’t come up to me. I’ll come around and show you the picture when it’s your turn.
Did everybody get to see the picture? Good. It’s time for our obstacle course!
Here’s what you do. You go counter-clockwise around the room. First, you walk on the tightrope, which is this long strip of masking tape that I stuck to the carpet. That’s fun.
Then I have some orange cones set up. You have to weave in and out of them. But DO NOT let the kids touch the cones. Leave them alone. And I have no idea what this activity has to do with the circus, so don’t ask.
Then, pretend you’re a circus lion and jump through this hula hoop that I’m holding up. Can you roar like a lion?
Okay, be quiet so I can finish explaining. The last thing you do is crawl through this tunnel.
Everybody’s probably going to skip all the other things and crawl through the tunnel again and again because it’s the only fun part of the obstacle course.
Ready? Go!
DON’T TOUCH THE CONES! DO NOT TOUCH THE CONES!
Okay! Look at the clock, everyone! It’s time to stand in a circle and sing our goodbye song.
Say goodbye with a tap, tap, tap
Clap, clap, clap
Stomp, stomp, stomp
Say goodbye and turn around,
We had fun at Baby Bounce!
Bye, everyone! Take my flyer on the way out. I do birthday parties and other events! I have lots of ways I can yell at kids and make the caregivers feel like idiots!
See you next week!
