Hey Everybody, Let's Fight the Vaccine Wars Every Day on Facebook!

It was a normal Thursday morning.  You opened up Facebook.  You scrolled down your newsfeed.  

Your jaw dropped as you witnessed a vaccine war raging among your friends and family.  And a bunch of your friends’ friends and family.  And some guy named Ted who was replying to absolutely everyone’s comments.

Maybe you jumped into the fray and threw a few jabs, then jumped out again before getting too involved. 

Maybe you stuck around for a while and did some serious damage to the opposition.  But also, you sustained a few heavy blows that left you reeling.  That Ted is one tough cookie.  

You didn’t change your mind, at least.  Heavens, no.  Facebook is the last place where that’s going to happen.

What could you have done differently?  In any battle, you want to be optimally prepared and armed to the teeth.  Especially when going up against Ted.  Maybe bring some brass knuckles?  Nunchuks?  A billy club, perhaps?  

That is what the italicized paragraphs below are for.  They are your brass knuckles, your nunchuks, and your billy club in the vaccine wars. They will give you added confidence and the ability to fight back against anything your opponent throws at you.

No matter which side you’re on, I’ve got tools for you to use.  Heck, you could theoretically change sides in the middle of the battle, just for fun, and be good to go.

All you have to do is copy/paste your weapon of choice from the following paragraphs.  Insert the paragraph you choose directly into the next vaccine war that breaks out on your Facebook feed.

Step into that vaccine war with full confidence that your side is right and that your side is going to win!

(Please keep in mind that for one side, “winning” will likely include a whole bunch of people getting sick with the measles and polio and other stuff.  But, “Go both sides!”)

Here you are.  Take your pick from the following paragraphs. Use these weapons as you fight valiantly in the vaccine wars!  Let the battle begin!

·     You guys, don’t you know about herd immunity?  Get with the program!  You’re hurting all of us if you don’t get your kid vaccinated!

·     It’s an individual choice!  No one can tell me what to put in my child’s body!  The vaccines are all tainted with lead and mercury! I refuse to poison my child!

·     Did you notice that 30 years ago, they gave kids only a few vaccines?  Now, they give kids way more vaccines.  Everybody used to get chicken pox as a kid.  Now, you’re supposed to get vaccinated for it, so no one gets it anymore. I guess what I’m saying is, I liked getting chicken pox.  I want my child to have that same experience!

·     Did you notice that as they’ve increased the number of vaccines, more and more kids are getting diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and autism?  I don’t actually have the numbers on this, but some teachers I talk to say that ADD and autism are WAY up these days.  I’ll put it this way: Can you prove to me that vaccines AREN’T to blame?

·      I totally support your right to make decisions to protect your family, but if too many people fail to immunize their children against highly contagious diseases, like measles, which can spread through little particles in the air that you breathe in, that’s not good!  We had previously eliminated a lot of these highly contagious diseases from our entire continent.  Now some are coming back.  If too many people fail to immunize their kids, then all it takes is one sick person to expose our community to the disease and it will spread like wildfire and infect all the people who haven’t been immunized.  And then kids younger than 12 months, who are too young to receive the vaccine, will be in danger any time they leave the house-- whether it’s to go to the store, to church, to day care, or to the library.  When diseases like the measles start spreading through our communities, these babies’ lives will be at risk any time they leave the house.  We should all look out for the well-being of others and get immunized!

·     But somebody I know knows somebody who had an adverse reaction to a vaccine!  And don’t vaccines cause ADD and autism?   

·     You are selfish and you probably wouldn’t care if we all died of medieval diseases!

·     You are selfish and you want the government to tell me what to put in my child’s body!

·     You’re an idiot! 

·     This is the last thing I’m going to say, and then I’m done.  I see where you’re coming from.  I understand that what I’m advocating entails some measure of risk.  But life is risky.  I could be hit by a train tomorrow, for all I know.  Wait, here comes a train right now! And I’m sitting in my car, stopped on the tracks!  I’m in a traffic jam and cannot go forward or backward!  Let my last words be, “I strongly urge you, [do/don’t] get your child vaccinated!  Trust me on this one!”  Bye, and I’m signing off now!  And I’m blocking Ted!