List of Possible Responses to the Nurse Who’s Asking, "Are you 'Dad?'"

·     No, I’m just some guy off the street.  I kidnapped this little boy and brought him in to his pre-scheduled 18-month checkup.

·      No, I’m one of those male nannies you’ve been hearing so much about.  Don’t you know that male nannies are all the rage these days?

·      No, I’m the 39-year old brother.  My mom gave birth to me when she was 18 and she had my little brother when she was 55.  Don’t you know that 55 is the new 35?

·      No, I’m a trendy parent who time traveled from the 1980's.  We don’t say “Dad.”  My son calls me by my first name.

·      No, I’m just taking a “parenting test drive.”  My friend loaned me his toddler for a couple of months so I could find out if I’d like to have a child of my own one day.

·      No, I’m just the Uber driver.  The boy’s mom is out in the car listening to the end of her podcast.

·      No, somebody left this kid in a basket outside my front door.  I’m just his permanent caregiver.

·      No, I’m the next-door neighbor.  His mom is stuck at home waiting for Comcast to show up.  I didn’t have anything else to do on a Tuesday morning, so she asked if I would help her out and bring the baby in to his 18-month appointment.

·      No, I’m an investigative journalist.   I borrowed this toddler to go undercover and find out what really happens at a pediatrician’s office in some random Chicago suburb.

·      No, I have no idea who this child is.  I have no idea where his parents are, and I have no idea why I’m here with him in the exam room of a pediatrician’s office.  I’m the guy from “Memento.”  By any chance, do you know a “John G.?”

·      You’ve never asked my wife if she’s “Mom” when she comes in here, so why do you always ask me if I’m “Dad?”  I’ve brought my kids in here many, many times in the last several years.  And every time, I've told you that, yes, I am "Dad."

·      Yes, I’m "Dad."

·      Just kidding.  I’m not "Dad."  I’m a day care worker.  I left the rest of the kids alone back at the day care.  They’re probably going nuts right now, but this little guy had a doctor’s appointment, so I figured I’d better bring him to it.  Can we try to speed this up a little bit?  We’ve been sitting here for a half an hour and we still haven’t seen the doctor.  I need to get back pretty soon.