Hawk’s Parenting Corner: Are You Signing Your Baby Up For Enough Classes?
One of your primary goals as a parent should be getting your child ready for school. As we all know, doing well in school in the early years usually translates into attending more school in the later years. Attending more school might possibly translate into one day, hopefully, finding gainful employment!
Do you want your child to possibly, one day, hopefully become gainfully employed? Then let’s get this school thing on track and we might possibly be on our way. Hopefully!
What better way to prepare your baby or toddler for school than to put them in a place that is… a school! That is, a place where there is a teacher, a classroom, classmates, instructions being given, activities being done, and of course, stickers being awarded.
Whether it’s a library story time, a tumbling class at the community rec center, early preschool, Sunday School at a church or synagogue, a day care that features arts and crafts, structured activities, and a circle time-- you have many options for finding a school-like environment for your baby or toddler.
Start out by doing your homework. Ask around. Find out which classes are the BEST. Insist on the BEST. Doesn’t your child deserve the BEST?
Once you find out the BEST option for your child, go in and check it out! Most places will give you a tour and they will answer all of your questions before you sign up. Call ahead to set up a visit.
When you go in for your visit, check for adequate fire alarms, smoke detectors, and fire escapes. Ask if they’ve ever had a fire. If so, was it successfully extinguished?
Ask to see their deed to the property. Jiggle the doorknobs to make sure they’re all securely attached to the doors. Your child could really get hurt if a loose doorknob fell and hit them on the noggin.
Ask about their educational program three times in a row. Listen carefully each time to see if their answer changes at all. If their answer stays consistent, they are probably telling the truth. If the answer changes, even slightly, that might mean they are lying, which might mean they are running a front for some illegal covert operation. Get out of there as quickly as you can!
If everything is in order so far, ask if the children ever get to dip their hands in paint and make handprint art of some kind. The BEST programs for babies and toddlers always make handprint art!
Now that everything checks out, it’s time to get on the waiting list. If there is no waiting list, exit the premises immediately! The BEST programs always have a waiting list! Ideally, you’ll want to get on the waiting list for the BEST programs about nine months before you start trying to conceive. If you wait too long, you could be in big trouble.
Don’t believe me? Go down to your local rec center. Peek into the tumbling room. See the fourteen year old and her mother participating in the “Mommy and Me” tumbling class? Yep, they waited too long to get on the waiting list.
Don’t let this happen to you. You don’t want to have to take your daughter out of her 2nd period geometry class twice a week, all because you failed to get on the tumbling class’ waiting list soon enough.
In summary, find a class, do your homework, pop in for a visit, and get on the waiting list. Your goal is to absolutely pack your child’s schedule with baby and toddler classes. This is the best way to assure your child’s future success in school. If they do well in school, they will probably attend more school down the line. More school means more degrees. More degrees means maybe, possibly, hopefully, a better job. A better job means more money to one day put you into an absolutely posh, luxury retirement home with shrimp cocktail served at every meal.
Sign your child up for classes now, enjoy shrimp cocktail later. Need I say more?
Postscript: I hate to end this on a down note, but unfortunately, some parents just don’t see the need for babies and toddlers to be in classes. They say they can teach their child colors, counting, and ABC’s on their own. They can take them out to the park to make friends and get exercise. They can read stories and sing songs at home. When the child is old enough for kindergarten, they can go to school then.
Personally, I disagree with this line of thinking. Baby and toddler classes prepare your child for school in so many ways that you just can’t replicate at home. Colors, counting, ABC’s, physical exercise, stories, songs—yes, you can do all this on your own with your baby or toddler.
But what about learning to wait in line at the drinking fountain and hoping that no one in front of you puts their mouth on it?
What about sitting around all morning on a carpet square while the teacher shushes everyone and chases hyperactive children around the classroom to get them to sit down?
What about sitting on the floor in a heated hallway, sweating for 15 minutes in your boots, snowsuit, hat, and mittens while the teacher zips up nine other children? Then going out to play for five minutes before coming back in and taking another 15 minutes to remove all that snow gear and hang it up on hooks?
These are just a few examples of school experiences for your toddler that can’t be replicated at home.
If you’re still not convinced that you need to sign your baby or toddler up for a litany of classes, consider this: the sooner your child is in school learning to count, the sooner they’ll be able to start counting down the years they have left of institutionalized education until they get their bachelor’s degree. How precious is that?
Do yourself and your child a favor-- get out there, sign your baby or toddler up for as many classes as you can find, and get your child on the path to school success! And possibly life success!
