Ten Mistakes That Stay-At-Home Dads Make

I’m a stay-at-home dad.  A few of us are lurking around.  Our numbers are small enough that when one stay-at-home dad makes an embarrassing mistake, it reflects badly on all of us. 

Here are the top ten mistakes that we make.  Guys, if we can clean up our act a little bit, maybe one day we won’t look like total idiots when we’re out in public. 

Mistake #1. Wearing a fedora.  

I would never want to deny a person the chance to express their personality.  But why do so many stay-at-home dads choose to express their personality by wearing a fedora?  Isn’t there some other way that stay-at-home dads can express themselves without resorting to fedora-wearing?  

Mistake #2.  Wearing black socks with sneakers and shorts.

It doesn’t look good.  I know, you probably used to have a job where you dressed up and wore black socks. And black socks are what you have in your sock drawer.  But if you’re going to wear sneakers and shorts, please just go out and spend 15 dollars on a big pack of white athletic socks. 

Mistake #3.  Micromanaging your kid while he or she is playing.  

Look around for a moment, Dad.  The kids in the library play area are all busy with the toys.  The parents and caregivers are sitting off to the side, holding babies, staring off into space, or looking at their phones.

No one else is sticking their nose into their kid’s business.  Just leave your child alone for a minute.  You’re yakking away at her, telling her how to stack the blocks, telling her which block she has to share, telling her not to knock down the tower yet. 

Just leave it.  I know you want to show everyone here that you’re an involved parent.  You’re not a dummy.  You know how to take care of kids.  

That’s good!  But please, for my sake and for your child’s sake, go sit over there and let the kids play for a while.  You’re stressing everyone out.  If someone’s about to get hurt, then you can intervene.  Otherwise, relax.

Mistake #4.  Going around chatting up the stay-at-home moms.

The stay-at-home moms don’t want to talk to the stay-at-home dads.  They just don’t.  

But you and the stay-at-home moms have so much in common!  I know.  You quit your job to stay home with your child, just like they did.  You do the cooking and other housework, just like they do.  You change diapers and take the kids to their activities, just like they do.  

The moms don’t want to talk to you, though.  Moms want “mom friends.”  They don’t want “dad friends.”  

If they want to include you in something (which they very well might at some point!), they will let you know.  It’s a “don’t call us, we’ll call you” type of situation.  Proceed accordingly.  

In the meantime, if you’re a stay-at-home dad and you’re out and about at some activity and looking for someone to chat with—go chat with the nannies who are 50 or older.  They’ll talk to you.  They don’t care.

Mistake #5.  Letting your kid get too wild.

Again, look around, Dad.  No one else’s kid is acting like that.  I know you subscribe to a laid-back parenting philosophy which is supposedly based on research.  

Nevertheless, can you please rein in your child a little bit?  

People don’t want to hear about your laid-back parenting philosophy.  They just want you to tamp down your child’s behavior before someone gets hurt.  Thanks!

Mistake #6.  Constantly telling everyone why you’re a stay-at-home dad.

Everyone understands that you probably used to have a “real job.”  It’s fine.  No one needs to hear about it.

Mistake #7.  Going out of your way to tell people that you have prior experience working with kids.

Moms get to be moms, regardless of whether they’ve had prior experience working with kids.  It’s the same with dads.  

You were once a teacher?  A summer camp counselor?  You’ve read a parenting book?  You’re a regular reader of the comic strip “Baby Blues?”  

That’s all fine and dandy.  But even if you’ve done none of those things, you’re still allowed to be a stay-at-home dad.  No credentials required.  Ain’t life grand?  

Mistake #8.  Failing to comb down your child’s bedhead and wipe his or her nose and mouth occasionally. 

Your little monster isn’t always going to look perfect.  Sometimes there will be food stains on the clothes, a shoelace will come untied. It’s not a big deal.  

But when you’re out in public, don’t you want your kid to look cute?  Comb his hair before you go out.  Wipe the snot off his face.   

And while it’s no one’s business that you gave your child a chocolate donut for breakfast, please clean the frosting off his face before you leave the house.

Mistake #9.  Failing to comb down your own bedhead.

You’re not punching a time clock anymore.  You’re not interacting with customers and co-workers.  You don’t have to get dressed up for work.  You’re a stay-at-home dad.  You can be casual.  

Still, you should comb down your bedhead before you go out.  Or just wear a hat.  Not a fedora.

Mistake #10.  Feigning ignorance of your child’s stinky diaper.  

We smell it.  We know you do, too.  This isn’t your home. No one here is your spouse.  No one but you is going to change that poopy diaper.  Go do it, sooner rather than later.  It’s starting to smell like the inside of a dumpster in here.  

Please?

And you wonder why no one wants to talk to you.