Tips for Pretending You Haven’t Googled Someone and Scanned Their Social Media

Getting to know new people is exciting. The last thing you want to do is scare them off by revealing the intimate knowledge you’ve acquired about them by searching Google and scanning their social media.

Tips for pretending you haven’t googled someone and scanned their social media: 

If they say, “I’m heading home,” don’t say, “Oh, you mean 1128 Ellis Avenue?” 

If they say, “I forgot my laptop,” don’t say, “Is it in the main level sunroom that can easily double as a home office?” 

If they mention their dog, don’t ask if they adopted it through the organization they helped raise money for at a 1920s-themed gala at, where was it? Navy Pier? 

If they mention gas prices, don’t ask what kind of mileage they got in the Honda Civic hybrid they drove cross-country with stops including the Grand Canyon and their cousin’s house in Arkansas. 

If they say their jogging route is to the elementary school and back, don’t mention the school has 4 out of 5 stars on Greatschools.org and apparently a pretty nice climbing wall in the gym. 

If they say their parents came to visit last weekend, don’t ask if their mom’s name is Gail, and if so, is it Gail Winters the attorney or perhaps Gail Winters the dentist? 

If they mention a brother named Brian, don’t ask if it’s the same Brian who paid them 20 bucks on Venmo last week for “drugs lol.” 

If they say they ordered a book off Amazon, don’t ask if they also order Oberweis milk because on Google Street View there’s an Oberweis truck in front of their house. 

If they say they had a busy week at work, don’t ask why the property taxes on their house suddenly jumped between 2018 and 2019, did they remodel or something?

If they say they ate French onion soup for dinner last night, don’t suddenly apologize for liking, then unliking one of their Facebook posts from three years ago. They’d rather not talk about seeing that notification.

If they start telling you about their weekend plans, don’t interrupt and say, “I didn’t scroll through your old Facebook posts on purpose. I think my finger kept scrolling while I was half asleep. Not that your posts are boring. I wouldn’t know. I’ve barely looked at them.”

If they tactfully say goodbye and walk away, don’t run up and say, “One more quick question! How was Hawaii?”