Politicians, Please Don’t Try to Solve Any Problems

The 2020 election is coming up in November and I’m not a fan of the crazy ideas that politicians have been throwing around willy-nilly.  Not at all.

These “leaders” think that we can IDENTIFY PROBLEMS and then SOLVE them by WORKING TOGETHER and creating laws, policies, and programs.  It’s ridiculous.   

Problems don’t get solved.  They go away on their own if we let the free market do its thing.  

First, we have to strip down the government and make it small and feeble.  Then, we let individuals and corporations do whatever they want to do. 

Soon enough, the invisible, benevolent hand of the free market will reach down and kindly pat everyone on the back and slip a few twenties into their pockets so they can pay their bills.  

Just be patient.  Keep the government out of it and give the free market a chance to solve our problems.

Take a look at history-- the New Deal, the G.I. Bill, the Civil Rights Era laws and protections, the Apollo Space Program, the establishment of safety regulations on cars and in the workplace, the Environmental Protection Agency.  What has the government ever done to benefit this country?  All of those programs were useless failures that helped no one.  

Our country is great because of the Rockefellers, the Carnegies, the DuPonts, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Ray Kroc, Charles and David Koch, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg.  By harnessing the power of the free market, all of those folks were able to establish dominance in the marketplace, crush the competition, and build enormous personal wealth which then trickled down to the masses.  

Where would we be without our billionaires?  We must not forget who made our country great.  Wasn’t it Henry Ford who, out of the kindness of his heart, paid for veterans to go to college after World War II?  Didn’t Walt Disney wake up one day during the Great Depression and decide to build dams, roads, and bridges and lift people out of poverty?  I’m pretty sure Ray Kroc fully funded the space program that landed our astronauts on the moon.  The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation bankrolls Medicare, right?  I think Mark Zuckerberg recently took a leave of absence from his job to go around checking all of our drinking water to make sure it’s clean and uncontaminated.  

The free market does it all!  We owe everything to the free market. 

So what if we still have a few problems here and there?  If we try to think up a solution on our own, it’s going to have unintended consequences.  Therefore, let’s do nothing.  Nothing at all.  The free market will eventually get around to solving the problem.  All in good time.  

These politicians, though, are throwing out crazy ideas that people are supporting!  We have to pause for a moment and look down the road.  What would happen to our country if we actually implemented “solutions” to these “problems?”

These “solutions” might very well rip apart the fabric of our society.  These “solutions” might ruin us.  Here are my biggest concerns right now:

Taxing the wealthy: If hundreds of people in our country are not allowed to be richer than the Queen of England, then where will we be?  When the Founding Fathers wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, they plainly stated that our goal as a nation is to produce hundreds of individuals who are wealthier than the English monarch.  Trust me, it says that somewhere.  It’s in the Bill of Rights, I think.  

Gun control: If people are no longer allowed to keep military-style assault weapons in their homes, then where will we be?  Have we already forgotten the lesson we should have learned from the days of Al Capone?  If everyone carried around machine guns, our communities would be much, much safer.  Plus, we’d be faithfully following the Constitution’s 2nd Amendment.  Never mind that the 2nd Amendment was written well before machine guns were invented.

Health care: If we make it so everyone can afford to see a doctor and spend time in a hospital, then where will we be?  I prefer a system where sick and injured people, on top of being sick and injured, also get saddled with enormous debt.  It seems fair. 

Education: If we help everyone graduate from college debt-free, then where will we be?  We’ll have a lot of highly educated individuals who are free to pursue their dreams.  They could take out a loan to start their own business, without having to worry about paying back a student loan.  They could work at a modestly-paying job that serves their community.  They could start saving earlier to buy a home.  That all sounds frightening to me.

Police reform: If we make sure police officers don’t draw their guns and shoot people any time they please and for any reason, then where will we be?  It will be just like when we told teachers that they couldn’t physically assault their students.  Remember the uproar over that rule?  It made it so no one wanted to be a teacher any more.  How about when we cracked down on insider trading on Wall Street?  Now we have zero stock brokers.  Similarly, if we try to put an end to police misconduct, who is going to want to be a police officer?  

“Cancel” culture: If the public finds out about people who act unethically, inappropriately, and illegally, and these people face repercussions for their behavior, then where will we be?  Awareness?  Accountability?  Speaking out for what’s right?  Yikes.  I don’t like the sound of that.  

Sports safety: If we stop allowing children to play a game that we know causes lasting and irreversible brain damage, then where will we be?  Kids need to learn the finer points of running full speed and colliding with another person who is also running full speed.  If they don’t learn that highly intricate skill at a young age, it will be impossible for them to learn it as an adult.  If children stop playing tackle football, the fundamentals of the game will be lost.  The sport will be ruined.  Let the kids play!

Citizens United: If we keep corporations out of politics and only allow humans to participate, then where will we be?  We all know that Kmart, for example, has a right to free speech because Kmart is just like a person.  It’s true.  I had Kmart over for dinner last Friday.  We had a wonderful time.

Campaign finance: If we limit how much money can be spent on political campaigns, then where will we be? Think about all the flyers, the mailers, the TV ads, the online ads.  We would see fewer of those.  We’d have to get more of our information from the debates and from reputable news sources.  That sounds like way too much work. 

Integrity of our elections: If we kick leaders out of office who knowingly coordinate with foreign governments to undermine the integrity of our elections, then where will we be?  Who cares if somebody encouraged Russia to fiddle with our election?  I say, scrap the elections altogether.  Just line up all the candidates in front of Putin, Xi, Erdogan, and Kim Jong Un.  Let the totalitarians pick our president.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we got along with all of those leaders?  What better way to accomplish that than by letting them pick our president?

Immigration: If we have a functional, carefully run system that admits refugees from around the world who are fleeing violence, poverty, and ethnic and religious persecution, then where will we be?  Somebody might get it in their head to call us a “shining city on a hill” or something like that.  We don’t want that, do we?  How terrible!  No thanks.  

Data privacy: If we require companies to explain clearly what they do with our personal information, then where will we be?  For me, it’s kind of fun knowing that Amazon might have shared my credit card number with Ebay.  Facebook may have given my phone number to telemarketers.  Google may have told Walmart that I need a certain medication.  Maybe these companies did these things.  Maybe they didn’t.  For me, the mystery is fun!  It’s exciting.  I would hate to lose that element of surprise about what’s going on with my personal data.

Climate change: If we take concrete steps to reduce carbon dioxide and methane emissions, then where will we be?  Why would we use science to help us make good decisions?  Why would we try to be smarter and more prudent in how we use our natural resources?  Why would we plan for the long-term health of people and the planet?  Why would we protect species besides our own?  Why would we want to do more with less and reduce waste?  It’s all crazy talk.  Who would ever dream of considering these insane ideas?

I told you at the beginning that there are some absolutely nutso ideas being tossed around.  I don’t like it.  I won’t stand for it.  No one should change anything.  I’d prefer if we were all paralyzed with fear.  

Anyone who tries to solve a problem is un-American.  Leave it to the free market.  Leave our billionaires and corporations alone.  They’ll make sure it works out just fine for the rest of us.

That’s all for now.  I’ve got to go.  Mark Zuckerberg is in my neighborhood right now delivering the mail while also shoveling snow off the streets.  Later today, he’ll be re-shelving books at the public library.  I’m going to go out and thank him for his dedicated service to our community.