All of ESPN’s Tricky Headlines That You’ve Clicked On

The folks at ESPN.com like to keep you clicking on those articles.  To accomplish this goal, they create a constant churn of headlines that breed curiosity.  You might end up disappointed, as the content of the article often fails to match the expectations created by the headline.  Nevertheless, once you’ve clicked, they have won.

Here are some examples*:

“Tyson Opens Up About Ali Beef”

What enticed you to click: Mike Tyson had beef with Muhammad Ali?  Why?  What new secrets will be uncovered about two of the greatest boxers of all time?

What the headline really meant: A boxer named Samantha Tyson went public about how she used to train with Laila Ali (Muhammad Ali’s daughter), only they had a falling out when Ali allegedly borrowed a roll of athletic tape and never returned it.

“Beckham Eyes L.A. Return”

What enticed you to click: Is star wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. already trying to get out of Cleveland?  Is he originally from L.A. and is he asking to get traded to the Rams so he can join their juggernaut offense?  Or does he want to go to the Chargers, who aren’t too bad either?  

Wait, maybe retired soccer megastar David Beckham wants to rejoin the L.A. Galaxy, with whom he won multiple championships?

What the headline really meant: It was about David Beckham.  But he’s not coming out of retirement.  He’s simply in England visiting relatives and he’s looking at flights on Expedia in order to book a return trip to his home in L.A.

“Curry Traded to Portland”

What enticed you to click: The Warriors traded Steph Curry?  The face of their franchise and two-time league MVP?  Who did they get back?  Damian Lillard?  C.J. McCollum?  Both?

What the headline really meant: The Dallas Mavericks traded Seth Curry (Steph’s brother) to Portland for a box of popcorn.

“Lebron, Paul Join Forces”

What enticed you to click: Lebron James and Chris Paul are finally teaming up?  Wow, that’s going to be a dangerous team!

What the headline really meant: Lebron signed his longtime friend Rich Paul to be his agent. Yawn.

“Vegas Favors Tigers to Win Series”

What enticed you to click: How could the Detroit Tigers possibly be favored to win the World Series?  They’re in the cellar of the American League Central Division.  They’re one of the worst teams in baseball! Are the bookmakers in Vegas going crazy?

What the headline really meant: The LSU Tigers women’s softball team was favored to win the College World Series.  Oh, those Tigers!

“Bonds, Clemens Headline Hall of Fame Inductees”

What enticed you to click: Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, two of baseball’s most infamous steroid users, are suddenly getting voted into Cooperstown?  What changed?  I thought the Hall of Fame voters were going to permanently blacklist those guys because they cheated!

What the headline really meant:  George Bonds and Chuck Clemens were being inducted into the Professional Bowlers Association Hall of Fame in Arlington, Texas.

“Jordan Doesn’t Rank Himself in Top Five”

What enticed you to click: Michael Jordan, widely considered the greatest basketball player of all time, doesn’t even rank himself in the top five?  Such humility!  

What the headline really meant: DeAndre Jordan, center for the Brooklyn Nets, understands that he will not be in his team’s starting five this year.  He is comfortable coming off the bench.

“Morgan Calls For Nike Boycott”

What enticed you to click: Alex Morgan, soccer star of the U.S. Women’s National Team and Nike spokesperson, is suddenly calling for a boycott of Nike?  Is she making some kind of political stand?  Is she a Trump supporter?

What the headline really meant: Terrance Morgan, coxswain for Harvard’s men’s rowing team, called for a boycott of Nike because they refused to replace a defective pair of rowing shoes that he recently purchased.

“Another 20,000 Chamberlains Found”

What enticed you to click: Basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain claimed in his autobiography that he’d slept with 20,000 different women.  Did someone discover that Wilt undercounted by half?

What the headline really meant: A box containing 20,000 Wilt Chamberlain basketball cards was found in somebody’s basement.

“Ton of Canibus Found in P. Manning’s Car”

What enticed you to click: Peyton Manning, the golden boy of football, is living like a drug kingpin in retirement?  That’s strange.  Is his endorsement deal with Nationwide Insurance going to be at risk?

What the headline really meant: In his new documentary series “Peyton’s Places,” Manning travels around the country visiting the sites of important events in NFL history.  In Episode 1, Manning’s co-host discovers that he has the full catalog of the rapper Canibus’ music in a CD wallet in his car.

“Brady Says ‘Pressure Has Decreased’ Over Course of Career” 

What enticed you to click: Tom Brady, who has long denied the charges, is finally admitting to illegally deflating the football in order to gain an advantage?  Not only that, but he has gotten more brazen about it over time?  This is a bombshell!

What the headline really meant: Tom Brady explained that as he has gained valuable experience on the field, his job as quarterback of the New England Patriots has become progressively easier.  The pressure of the big games doesn’t bother him like it used to.

“Tiger’s Wife Attacks Him With Golf Club After Discovering Affairs; Tiger Crashes Car Into Tree in Neighbor’s Front Yard Trying to Escape”

What enticed you to click: Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, attacked him with a golf club after discovering his extramarital affairs? Then, Tiger crashed his car into a tree in their neighbor’s front yard when he was trying to escape?

What the headline really meant: Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, attacked him with a golf club after discovering his extramarital affairs. Then, Tiger crashed his car into a tree in their neighbor’s front yard when he was trying to escape.

See? It turns out, not all of the headlines are tricky.  Give ESPN some credit!

In the meantime, be on the lookout for more of the tricky headlines. Please feel free to leave an example or two that you find in the comment section.

*This is a satirical blog post.  None of these headlines really appeared on ESPN.com.  But they’re not too far off, I promise!