The Bible Story That Explains Why Christians Are Wholeheartedly Embracing Donald Trump

I was wondering why so many Christians support Donald Trump.  Then I came upon the following passage in the Bible and it finally made sense.  The passage is from the book of Daniel (New Revised Trump Version). Once you read it, you will see much more clearly how Christians can rationalize their support for this president.

During the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, the Israelites were held captive in Babylon.  

Now, Nebuchadnezzar wanted a bunch of Israelites to go into training to become wise men in his court.  Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were brought in for this purpose.

They were commanded to eat at the king’s table morning, noon, and night as they trained to be wise men.  

Daniel knew that a diet of plain vegetables and water would be healthier than the rich foods and wine that were served at the king’s table. 

Nevertheless, he went ahead and ate the king’s rich food and drank the wine.  

He didn’t want to rock the boat and lose his place at the table.  If he lost his place, he would no longer have a chance to be a positive influence on a king who did insane things and who would later prove to be literally insane.

In the end, Daniel’s weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol all went way up and his appearance was not as ruddy as it had been before.  Nothing actually came of all the positive influence he offered the king.  But at least he tried!

Later, Nebuchadnezzar had a dream.  He called on his wise men to interpret the dream.  

He didn’t want them to b.s. him, so he threw in an extra challenge.  He said, “You tell me my dream and the meaning and I will give you riches beyond your wildest dreams.  If you can’t tell me my dream or its meaning, I’ll have you chopped up into little pieces.”

The wise men said, “That’s impossible!  We won’t agree to that deal.”

Daniel then said to Nebuchadnezzar, “The Lord has revealed to me the dream and its meaning.  The dream was about a big statue.  The head was gold, the middle was silver, the legs were bronze, and the feet were iron mixed with clay.  Out of nowhere, a big rock appeared and smashed the statue into tiny bits, which the wind then blew away.  The rock suddenly grew and took up the whole world.”  

Nebuchadnezzar said, “I am very impressed.  You have told me my dream exactly as it happened.  Now, what does it mean?”

At that moment, Daniel began to fake a bad cough.  The king asked him to leave the room because he didn’t want to catch any germs.

The king soon forgot about the dream and it was never spoken of again.

Daniel knew the meaning of the dream.  It was that Nebuchadnezzar’s kingdom would get progressively worse and worse and that one day, God would set up a kingdom in its place that would never be destroyed. 

But Daniel didn’t want to tell Nebuchadnezzar the dream’s meaning.  He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.  He didn’t want Nebuchadnezzar to kill the messenger.  If Daniel got killed, he would lose his seat at the king’s table along with his chance to be a positive influence on the king.  

 Daniel figured he’d let somebody else tell the king the bad news.  After all, if the Lord really wanted Nebuchadnezzar to hear the bad news, couldn’t he just tell him himself?

Nebuchadnezzar set out to make an image of gold.  He wanted everyone to bow down and worship this image whenever the royal musicians played special music.  Whoever didn’t bow down to the image was going to get thrown into a fiery furnace.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego didn’t like the idea of bowing down to a golden image.  They only wanted to worship the Lord.  They didn’t want to break the second commandment by bowing down to a false god.

But when the special music started, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego bowed down to the golden image anyway.  They didn’t want to lose their seat at the table close to the king where they could be a positive influence on him.

The Lord looked upon Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  He saw the inner turmoil, revulsion, and cringing they experienced while bowing down to the graven image.  He felt badly for them.

The Lord figured, “Hey, they’re breaking a clear commandment, but the fact that they feel conflicted about it— let’s just call it good.  It’s no big deal.”

“After all,” the Lord said to himself, “if they don’t bow down to the image, they’ll lose their seat at the table along with their chance to be a positive influence on the king!”

Soon, Nebuchadnezzar completely lost his marbles.  He went outside the royal palace and started eating grass like an ox. His clothes became rags, his hair grew long, and his fingernails grew out like eagle’s claws.

A guy named Darius took over the throne.  His advisers convinced him to make a law that for thirty days, no one in the kingdom could pray to anyone but the king.

The advisers knew that Daniel prayed to the Lord three times a day.  They wanted to get him in trouble.  

As soon as the king’s new edict went out, though, Daniel surprised everyone by obeying it.  He prayed only to the king for thirty days.  He did not pray to the Lord.  

He didn’t want to get into trouble and lose his seat at the table where he could be a positive influence on the utterly corrupt, morally feeble, selfish, foolish king who didn’t care a lick about God or about doing what’s right.

The Lord looked approvingly upon Daniel.  Even though Daniel had sinned, the Lord was happy because Daniel had a plan.  He was going to convince the king to appoint a judge to the royal court who would take away everyone’s health care.   

The Lord looked and saw that it was good.

Doesn’t it all make sense now?  I told you!  The answer was right there this whole time.